


Didn't I make it harder

by UnlockTheRainbow



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, It's an angsty couple okay, Light Angst, little bit of fluff too, little bit of jealous Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 05:59:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15357783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnlockTheRainbow/pseuds/UnlockTheRainbow
Summary: As Rose entered the seventh bar, she had almost given up on finding Luisa. They’d had a fight and when Luisa had stormed off, pupils blown wide with hurt, mouth set in a hard thin line to prevent her from crying, Rose knew she screwed up. Big time. Rose had not gone after her, had stayed while Luisa walked – ran – away from her. She had just stood there, staring at the slammed door, imagining every way it could have gone differently, everything she could have, should have, said. When she had finally snapped out of it and ran out of the brunettes apartment, Luisa was nowhere in sight. Fuck. Rose needed to go find Luisa, before the brunette hurt herself.-OR-Luisa and Rose get into a fight, Luisa runs away and Rose searches for her.





	Didn't I make it harder

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> So my girlfriend has been asking about my writing and i really don't want her to read my smut, so i wrote this thing :'). i don't really know how i feel about it and posting it on here is always a pretty good indicator of how it is. So here it is haha. 
> 
> it is some light angst i guess and Luisa drinks so alcohol tw. it has a happy ending so don't worry. and be nice i guess because i'm trying okay no need to be mean hahah.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and if you don't well.. I'm sorry I wasted your time.

As Rose entered the seventh bar, she had almost given up on finding Luisa. They’d had a fight and when Luisa had stormed off, pupils blown wide with hurt, mouth set in a hard thin line to prevent her from crying, Rose knew she screwed up. _Big time_. Rose had not gone after her, had stayed while Luisa walked – _ran_ – away from her. She had just stood there, staring at the slammed door, imagining every way it could have gone differently, everything she could have, _should have_ , said. When she had finally snapped out of it and ran out of the brunettes apartment, Luisa was nowhere in sight. _Fuck._ Rose needed to go find Luisa, before the brunette hurt herself.

 

After letting her eyes adjust to the flashing lights, she scanned the bar, hope flickering in her chest every time she saw a flash of brown hair. She almost gave up and walked out when she heard it, even over all the noise, the laugh she knew so well. Often she had been the reason for that bubbly sound, full of life and energy. Often she had been the reason for the light in the brunettes eyes. But lately Luisa had been distancing herself more and more and Rose knew why, she just hadn’t been able to do what Luisa needed her to do. Communicate.

 

They had a good relationship, it was light, it was fun and lately it was getting more and more serious. There was only one problem. Rose didn’t want it to be out in public. At first Luisa was perfectly fine with that, it was mostly just sex anyways and this way it wouldn’t get messy when they stopped. But they didn’t stop. Luisa started staying the whole nights and Rose started making breakfast. They started having take out and movie nights together and just overall getting more domestic. Luisa liked it, started looking forward to it. She wanted more, proposing they go on dates, trying to hold Rose’s hand in public.

 

Each time she tried, Rose found excuses not to go on a date or hold her hand. So warm and loving she was when they were alone together, so cold and distant she was in public. At first it didn’t bother Luisa all that much, she figured Rose just liked to keep her private life, well, _private._ But when Luisa confronted her about it, Rose evaded the questions or started kissing up and down her neck to distract her, which worked of course, I mean have you seen her. Luisa, however, wasn’t one to give up so easily, if she couldn’t hold her hand in public she figured she at least deserved to know why.

 

And then tonight happened. Rose had come over to Luisa’s place after work. Luisa had let her in with a chaste kiss to the lips and a small smile before leading her to the living room where she started pacing up and down. Rose, sensing the mood, stayed quiet, her eyes nervously following Luisa. She knew she had been keeping the brunette at a distance and she also knew, Luisa wanted to know why, so she could try and fix it, because she knew the brunette was falling for her, _fast and hard._ She had seen it in the way Luisa sometimes stared at her with a small content smile playing around her lips. Had known it by the way Luisa always called her first to let her know about the things that were happening in her life. She also knew by the fear that flashed in the brunettes eyes each time Rose pulled her hand away before Luisa could grab it. And if she was being honest, Rose was also falling for Luisa, had already fallen for her, but was simply so scared that she couldn’t admit it, couldn’t try to do something about it.

 

‘uhm I just… I uhm.. fuck why is this so hard.’ Luisa started, stumbling over her words, bringing Rose back to reality. She quickly shook her head and took a deep breath before starting again. ‘I’m really trying Rose.. I’m really trying to turn this thing into an actual, healthy relationship.’ She said, gesturing between them. ‘I want to know every little detail of you Rose and I want to be the person you turn to. I want you to let me in Rose, but every time I try to get close, you… you brush me aside and that hurts. You are so confusing, every time we are alone, you are really affectionate, but then we step outside and suddenly there need to be 2 feet of space between us. I mean I know I’m not the girl you’d want to take to meet your parents, but –.’ Luisa continued. ‘I wouldn’t take anyone to meet my parents.’ Rose scoffed, interrupting the brunette. ‘See, and I want to know why, I want to know why you don’t tell me about your past, about your life. I want to know why you don’t want to hold my hand or go on real dates. Because I want that Rose.. I want all of that with you.’ Luisa finished, nervously fidgeting with her hands. She had laid herself pretty bare and she found it hard to be vulnerable, but she was willing to try, for Rose. Although, she would most likely bolt if it started going south, it’s always better to leave than to be left.

 

‘Luisa I don’t know.. I don’t know what to say.. I just.. I had a rough youth and I just don’t want to talk about it, is that so bad?‘. Rose started defensively. ‘Besides, you have a lot of stuff going on too and you don’t see me trying to fix all that.’ Rose said curtly. ‘Yes, I know. But I _want_ you to help me, I want you to try to fix it.. I mean.. if you want to too..’. Luisa answered, not daring to look into Roses eyes, afraid of what she might see. ‘I don’t know Luisa.. I just –‘. ‘Yeah okay, I get it. I’m too much work.. I’m sorry for even suggesting. It’s okay. You don’t have to deal with me anymore. I’ll go.’ Luisa said with an unsteady voice as she fumbled for her jacket and pushed Rose aside to get to the door.

 

‘No Luisa! Wait! I don’t mean..’ She called after her but the brunette already slammed the door. ‘I do want to.’ Rose whispered to an empty room. _Damn it._ Another reason Rose usually didn’t let people get close, she always finds a way to screw everything up. Luisa has no idea she tore more walls down than anyone ever had, but it still wasn’t enough. Luisa was an all or nothing kind of person and Rose was a baby steps kind of person, but when she finally snapped out of her daze, she was determined to make it right. She wasn’t about to let this amazing woman walk out of her life, not when they got so far.

 

Luisa ran out of her apartment without letting Rose finish, she couldn’t handle another rejection, so she left herself. This way she could maintain a little control and the hurt would be less intense, or so she told herself. She started half walking half running to one of her favourite bars, her nails digging into her palms and her jaw clenched. She didn’t really know what to do with herself, but she knew she wouldn’t last the night if she didn’t get drunk. _Fast._ She had been able to cut back on the drinking, because she knew Rose disapproved of her lifestyle, so each time she grabbed a bottle to drown out any kind of feelings, she would hear Rose’s voice telling her not to and that is when she started calling Rose, to distract herself. It was her way of asking for help. Now, she completely ignored Roses voice in her head, because obviously the redhead didn’t care enough, as she entered the bar and ordered a couple of shots, which she downed quickly.

 

After a couple more, Luisa was feeling nice, warm and pretty lightheaded. She turned around and rested her elbows on the bar behind her. Looking out over the crowd, she spotted a pretty girl talking to her friend. They made eye contact and when the girl smiled shyly, Luisa pushed herself off the bar with a smirk and sauntered over to where the girl stood.

 

Of course Luisa knew the exact moment Rose entered, catching the flash of red hair moving through the door. She was pretty drunk by then and didn’t have much of a common sense filter. She swung her arm around Abby, or Annabel, or whatever, threw her head back and laughed as wholeheartedly as she could muster. She actually felt Roses eyes snap over to her, burning holes in her back. Smirking, Luisa put some extra effort in moving her hips as she continued to dance with what’s her face.

 

Rose was pissed. First Luisa didn’t let her finish, then she ran off and now she’s laughing and dancing with another girl. Rose didn’t consider herself to be jealous, but who are we kidding here, she was extremely jealous when it came to Luisa, some would even call it possessive. So there was only one thing she could think to do. She put her shoulders back, lifted her chin, thought murder and walked straight to Luisa, the crowd parting for her as she moved.

 

When she reached Luisa, she patted the girl the brunette was dancing with on the shoulder ‘excuse me may I cut in?’ she asked sweetly, already moving the girl aside. ‘Noooo’ Luisa drawled ‘Can’t you see I’m having fun with Abby over here?’. ‘Allison’ the girl cut in with a roll of her eyes. ‘Right.. Adison’ Luisa continued with a peck to Allison’s cheek. Roses nostrils flared and without a second thought she dragged Luisa away from the girl towards the exit. ‘Hey! Wha – What are you doing?!’ Luisa cried out in protest. Rose didn’t answer as she continued to move a struggling Luisa to the exit.

 

When they were outside the bar, Rose finally let go of Luisa. The latter huffing her annoyance as she straightened her clothes. ‘Luisa I understand you are upset with me, but you didn’t even let me finish – ‘ Rose started. ‘Well it was pretty obvious where it was going!’ Luisa yelled angrily, the cold air instantly sobering her up a little. Rose had to bit back a smile ‘You are again, not letting me finish, Lu.’ Luisa huffed again ‘Fine. Go. Finish’ She gestured before crossing her arms and pursing her lips.

 

‘I’m sorry, Lu. I should have started with that. I know I have been pushing you away and the reason is that I’m just really scared.’ Rose said. She took a deep breath before continuing ‘I grew up in a very homophobic household and I still feel afraid being out in public like that. It still feels… wrong somehow. Even though I know it’s not wrong, because never has anything in my life felt so right, Lu. You feel so right in every way. You aren’t too much work, you aren’t an inconvenience. I want to have to deal with you! Every single day, as long as you’ll have me, I want to be there.’ Rose continued, never breaking eye contact. She reached out and Luisa let her take both of her hands in her own. ‘I love you, Luisa Alver. I am in love with you. Have been for a while now, but I was too scared to admit it. I’m going to need to take this slow, because there is a lot of stuff I will need to work through, but I want to do that for you. With you. Because I love you, Lu. God it feels good to finally say it.’ Rose finished. Luisa’s eyes softened and her mouth fell slightly open. She gripped Rose’s hands as she said: ‘I love you too Rose Ruvelle and I am sorry for not letting you finish. I still mean everything I said and I understand it can’t come all at once, but this is worth it. You are worth it, Rose.’ Luisa said, blinking back tears.

 

They just stood there for a while, staring at each other, hands still holding. Eventually, Rose broke the spell ‘Come on Lu, let’s go home. You are still drunk, let’s talk more in the morning when you are sober again okay?’ she said, letting go of Luisa’s hands. ‘Yes, I’d like that. And by ‘home’ you mean my place right? Because I am not walking all the way to yours.’ Luisa answered, already walking towards her apartment. Rose grinned as she used her long legs to catch up to the shorter woman in a few long strides, walking closer than usual, but still not yet touching.

 

When Luisa let them in, Rose immediately walked over to the fridge and poured a big glass of cold water for Luisa. ‘Here drink this please, it will help with the hangover you are probably getting tomorrow.’ She said as she placed the glass in front of her. ‘And Lu, we are going to figure it all out okay? I promise I won’t leave just because it is hard.’

 

Luisa looked up to Rose with a small smile ‘I also promise I won’t leave just because it’s hard and we are going to figure it out. In the morning. Right now we are going to bed.’ The brunette answered before draining the glass in one go. She stood up, took Rose’s hand and all but dragged her to the bedroom. Not even bothering to brush their teeth as they changed to their pyjamas and fell face to face on the mattress. ‘It’s going to be okay Lu, we are going to be okay.’ Rose whispered as she kissed the brunettes forehead, snuggling closer.

 

Luisa was already almost asleep, safely snuggled to Rose’s chest. ‘I love you Rose, goodnight.’ She murmured, voice heavy with sleep. ‘I love you too Luisa, sleep tight.’ Rose answered, smiling as she too drifted off to sleep.


End file.
